So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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