I am puke
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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