i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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