so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
