I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You have to summon your inner elephant
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
