My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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