everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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