im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
