if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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