Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
sarcasm needs its own font
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
