: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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