I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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