yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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