So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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