none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you inspire me to be a worse person
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
