I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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