Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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