Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
