last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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