I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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