I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize