Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
