By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
