i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
