ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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