So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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