Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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