i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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