A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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