i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
