Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
