Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize