My sheets look like a crime scene.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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