an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
