so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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