What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
