i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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