why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize