I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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