Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
