Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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