Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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