I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
