Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize