so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
