im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
