Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize