Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
