all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize