we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
