Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
