Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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