Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
