I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
