I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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