Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
