This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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