just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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