At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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