We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
