Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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