I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
