Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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