so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
