my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
