TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
