you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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