sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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