just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
