I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
