Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
