Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
