I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
did you just send me my own nude
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
