i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
