Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
