Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
