dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
