I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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