2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
