i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
