whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
