yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
