I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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