you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
