And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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