fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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