So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
