Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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