I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
