drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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