could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
