There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
