like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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