So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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