handjob tips. give me some.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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