I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
