Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
