rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
