no you cant smoke seaweed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
