If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
