I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
being pregnant is like rehab
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize