oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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