And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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