i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize