My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
