Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
