Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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