Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize