Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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