considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
