Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
