Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
