The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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